Hello Facebook –I’m Dumping You

This post was prompted by a facebook friend’s status update a while ago that said something to the effect that she was purging her friend’s list and if we were reading her post we hadn’t been dumped. People seemed genuinely SO happy not to have been dumped. You’d have thought their life had suddenly been saved. Seriously.

I’m willing to bet that some of you have been dumped at one time or another. What I never understood were the people who initiate the friend request then end up dumping you, but later send another friend request….No explanation. A change of heart perhaps? I was more amazing than they originally thought? Or could it possible be they delete their account for whatever reason and later start another one

What I’ve noticed is that authors tend to friend other authors and people in the industry. For the most part it feels much like getting to know other bloggers. We’re a community. We tend to support one another much the same way we support one another as bloggers.

This particular friend who decided to whittle down her friends list did so because she realized that she had people on her list that she never spoke to her in high school. So why would she choose to keep them on her friend’s list now?  I can understand her reasoning. While some people thrive on their building their friend’s list others keep theirs to a bare minimum. It’s a personal thing really.

I have quite a few authors on my friend’s list. And while I know you can create pages, most of them haven’t. There are actually very few who do. (At least of the ones I know.) When someone sends a friend request they accept. It’s tricky when you’re an author and you don’t have a separate facebook page. You certainly don’t want to offend any fans. When people read your book they often look you up on facebook.

So what’s an author to do? I’ve considered creating a page but I’m not certain if it’s something I would give much attention to. It might end up being one more time suck.

So what’s everyone opinion on this. Have you ever dumped people on your friend’s list because you started to wonder why you ever added them I the first place? If you’re a writer do you have a separate page?



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  1. Got off that facebook nonsense. The network grew so fast, in box flooded, never heard of any of these people and if I had that many friends I’d be where Romney is now.

    • I agree facebook isn’t for everyone, Carl. But hey, you’ve got your awesome blog, that’s much better…:)

  2. I have an authors page, and I have dumped someone off my FB personal page, but that was my brother, he was being a butt head.

    • Brothers can sometimes be butt heads..When they are they deserve to be dumped…:) Hope you patched things up in real life…

  3. I’m not a writer but I have seperate page for my yarn business. I don’t spend enough time on it. I tell my web design/marketing clients that if they aren’t going to post on their page regularly 1/2 or 3x’s weekly then don’t bother. It will look like my fb page… pretty but not much content. As far as personal fb friends. I use it mostly with famiy, close friends, and college friends from my past. Chances are… if we weren’t friends in high school then I won’t respond when you ask me now on fb. It’s happened recently and I decided he was just someone who needed to have a lot of friends on his page, I also decided not to be one of them? I often find myself (today even) saying to people “once its on the internet you can’t take it back.” People are funny? Go with your instincts—they seem great to me.

    • Thanks, Laura. I’m kind of afraid that a seperate page wouldn’t get used once the novelity of it wore off. I know myself a little too well. Still, I haven’t yet made my mind up. With another book coming out it might make sense to have one. I’m seriously thinking of looking my list over, possibly thinning it down a bit. It’ll be interesting to see what, if anything happens. Maybe if the mood strikes me.. :)

  4. I have dumped people who constantly post childish or political rants. I do not have a separate FB page though I write my blog under a pseudonym…now everyone knows who I am so it doesn’t matter. I do know people who delete and reopen their accounts a number of times…most of them do it for attention; they post they’re going to close their accounts and get lots requests not to and they do it again a few months later.

    • Oh some folks do seemed to like to rant..I don’t mind the rants so much until they get peronal, people posting about their ex or other family members and not having nice things to say..I never understood that.. People seem to say things on FB that they wouldn’t say to others in person. or in a crowd.

      Yes, I’ve also seen a few people post that they were going to close their accounts but didn’t…..Is anything original in this world? LOL

  5. I do have a separate author page, but I’m afraid I don’t do a lot with it. I think most of those who follow my page are authors too though. Facebook is my chill place. I play some games there when I need a break, so I have a lot of “friends” who are really strangers I play games with—but the cool thing is that quite a few of them have now read my book, so maybe I’m making fans while I’m playing.

    I’ve only unfriended one person and that was because of a divorce. I’m not crazy about the political/social views of quite a few heavy posters though, but I do get a laugh out of some of the funny pet photos, so I guess I won’t dump them.

    • I gues entertainment is a good reason to keep friends on our lists. ;) Do you regret having an author page or are you happy you started one?

      • I wouldn’t say I’m unhappy I started the author page, but I wish I knew how to use it more effectively. I think some people read my blog through my author page (Networked Blogs) rather than subscribe directly to my blog. Others maybe follow my author page because they’re interested in any publication announcements I might make, but not interested in reading my blog posts. I guess a few readers do the same … waiting to hear when my next book is out.

        I assume all of them are interested in me ONLY as a writer, so they wouldn’t want to be a “friend” on my personal account. And I interact with family and friends who aren’t writers on my personal account, so I wouldn’t necessarily want them to subscribe to that anyway.

        So, to me, there are purposes for and author to have a Page. Writing is our business, and the Page is our business site.

        • So do you mean you never post anything writing related on your personal account? I know one author who always shares from her author page to her personal but then she has many more people on her personal account than her page. Some writers seem to think that people would rather friend them than follow a page.. I’m seriously considering a page though. If no one’s interested then they won’t even notice if I don’t update. ;)

  6. I have a an author page for writers and writerly stuff. My personal page is for anyone and everyone and more for ‘fun’ things. It is a great way for me to keep in touch with my grandchildren who live in another province. I am happy to have both pages. Some people follow both and that is great.

    • We met through facebook, Darlene, and I’m very lad we did. Of course it all began with an anthology, didn’t it? But if it hadn’t been for facebook I’d be missing a lot by not being your friend..:)

  7. Kristina

     /  May 2, 2012

    I did a purge recently and created a “cup of coffee” rule. Basically anyone on the list that I wouldn’t sit down in person with to have a cup of coffee got the cut. It got rid of all the ex boyfriends I was unhealthily keeping tabs on, people from high school who I could care less about reconnecting with, and other random friends of friends who I added over time. I think your coffee list could absolutely include other authors and of course fans!

    • My other friend basically said the same thing, if I met you on the street would I want to have a conversation with you… It’s true that everyone’s coffee list would look different.. Thanks for commenting..I hope you enjoyed your book…:)

  8. I only dump people for the following reasons:
    They post ridiculous things like “I just drank a coke” or “I just crossed the street.” Really? Why do I need to know this?
    They post an insane amount of times each day and clog my newsfeed.
    Harass me to play games or join networks I have no interest in even after I’ve messaged them and asked them to stop.

    Other than that, I try not to over-think facebook. :-)

    • You mean, I just crossed the street isn’t relevant?..;) Actually it sounds a bit mundane..Had they got trampled by a stampede of army ants while crossing the street..well,that would be different…

      I don’t particularly like it when people post constantly and ,as you say, clog my news feed..I have a few who do that..But it’s not too bad. I find I do care less about facebook than I once did. I think it’s better not to care so much..

  9. beverleysmith36

     /  May 3, 2012

    I used to regularly purge my facebook but don’t need to any more as i don’t accept people who i don’t really know and wouldn’t necessarily interact with – ever. Mine mainly contains family. I wouldn’t think of following an author on facebook or twitter for that matter.

    • Thanks for dropping in Beverly. While you said you wouldn’t follow an author on facebook, do you mean their personal account or professional page? or either…I’m just curious.. I do know my attitudes have changes over time and I thinking they’ll keep changing…I’m still thinking this one through.. Thanks for your input…:)

      • beverleysmith36

         /  May 4, 2012

        I wouldn’t actually think about following an author, it never crossed my mind and probably wouldn’t have done without you mentioning it.

  10. My Facebook friends are a pretty small group. I don’t friend everyone who asks and I don’t post a lot myself. I’m thinking about a FB author page as a place to post about writing–I find great links that I want to pass along–and to promote my blog and my book and other writing, but I haven’t started to work on it yet. I have to be very sure that I’ll make time to give it the attention it deserves. Don’t need another time suck either! : )

    • I certainly hear you, Heather. I’m still torn about the whole thing. I know one author who has a page but then shares everything from her page to her friend’s list when it’s book related. I often see it twice, which isn’t a bad thing for me.I certainly understand… I just wonder if people who might be on my list and page would end up getting tired of seeing me all the time.

      • Like everything to do with social media, you have to control it for individual audiences. I have a Twitter account, but I only post about writing related topics not my son’s band concert or my trip to the Maritimes–that’s for FB. I recently had a contract with a Canadian textbook publisher. I could tell that they searched all of my online platforms before they confirmed my contract. What you say online counts and it pays to be careful of your message.

        • Absolutely, Heather. I’ve had professionals in the industry drop by my blog. We might think they’re too busy but if they have a reason for checking someone out they do.. I would as well if things were reversed..We really need to stop and think about the impression we’re putting out there.

          And congrats on the recent contract… :)

  11. Oh, I’ve dumped people, too. They’re the ones with useless rants, useless statuses or obscene comments or pictures. I have a Facebook account to keep track of my kids. They know I’m lurking. I even have some of their friends as my friends, so I can learn second-hand what someone is up to. Once they’re old enough, I’ll close my account. It will prove useless and become barren land like my cell phone. If I had high-speed instead of dial-up, I’d ditch my cell phone now, but when the kids are at school, I want them to be able to get a hold of me if they need me.

    I don’t have a separate Facebook account for my writing, although I have thought of it. My Facebook account is for family and friends only. No exceptions. I honestly think Facebook is getting to big for its britches. I think something else will come along soon where people will flock to. In 15 years, I don’t think Facebook will be ‘all that’. Too many people are unhappy with it. It can be a deadly place for your teen to be.

    • Well spying on the kids is a good reason to have a facebook account in my opinion.. Thank goodness when my children were growimg up there was no such thing a facebook.. Is facebook going to be a thing of the past? In time, Diane, I’m sure you’re right..

      You mentioned that FB was for family and friends. I’m wndering then, since you’re apublic figure, if someone sends a request do you simpy ignore it or do you message and explaining that you make no exceptions? JUst curious…

      • It’s funny, but maybe I haven’t yet figured out that I’m a public figure. If I receive a request from someone I don’t know, I assume they made a mistake–I’m not the Diane Tibert they’re looking for–or they’re scammers, trying to weasle their way into my information. I never think they are fans though now that you’ve mentioned it, perhaps some were. I don’t know.

        When I don’t want to accept a friend’s request, I just ignore it. I’m sure there are many requests building up in my inbox (and those time-wasting game invitations!), but since I seldom spend time on Facebook–I can share my blog posts by going to my blog and hitting the Facebook button–I never noticed.

        • Diane even I recognized your name the first time you came to my blog..I’m sure people have looked you up. You don’t have an author page? Seems to me that people interested in geneology would be interested…just saying.

        • No, I don’t have an author’s page. Just my personal one. Maybe I think too small or I’m unassuming…I don’t know. I’m still surprised when I receive an email from someone who reads my genealogy column telling me they enjoyed it. It still feels new to me.

          Wanting a way to connect with people who follow my column, I decided to begin a Roots to the Past blog in January. I was quite surprised that I had many followers the first few days. Now I have more followers on that one than my writing one. I much prefer blogging; I feel I have more control.

          I had that same surprise feeling today when I met Herb Peppard, author of The Lighthearted Soldier, today at the Heritage Fair, Community College, Truro. A student had done his project on the veteran, and he was there. I asked if I could take his picture then he turned the tables on me and wanted his picture taken with me!

          I feel it doesn’t matter how many years I write and get published, I will never think of myself as a public person. I’m not sure if that’s a good think or bad…but it’s me.

  12. If you have a blog, why is it necessary to add fans to your personal facebook page as well? Fans can connect with you on your blog, and get updates and news about your writing. I personally would feel uncomfortable having people I don’t know on my FB page. FB should be fun. You shouldn’t have to worry about what people you don’t know are seeing of your life and your family.

    Just my opinion. ;)

    • While fans can connect with an author on their blog, it’s been my experience that unless they’re bloggers themselves they don’t pop over to read posts unless they see it in their news feed. It’s really not on their radar..That said, some people send requests just to have loads of people on their friend’s list. We’ve talked about this before. I personally don’t put photos on facebook unless it’s book related, partly for that reason. And I don’t feel that my status updates reveal a whole lot in the way of person info anymore so than my blog…Still debating the author page…I’m sure we’ll be discussing this later..lol

  13. I’ve been hearing lots about the introduction of Google Drive… “a place where you can create, share, collaborate, and keep all of your stuff” online — http://bit.ly/JW2wwm — and it set me to thinking about how immersed we’re becoming in online applications. I don’t “live” on Facebook as much as some, but I think it’s entirely possible to become too dependent on the internet for communication. It scares me a bit to think what would happen if FB or Google suddenly went down.

    That doesn’t address the “friend” issue you’ve mentioned. So far, I haven’t “unfriended” anyone, but I admit to ignoring several requests. What FB does is make a sham of the term “friend” and we begin to believe we’re insulting important contacts if we ignore their requests. To me, the bigger issue is who these people are and why we feel the need to be connected to them. I like Kristina’s approach, that if we wouldn’t sit down to share a coffee with them, why have them as FB friends?

    When there is too much diversity in who sees my posts, I have trouble finding appropriate things to say. I can see real value in a fan page for professional contacts, so that my other FB page can be limited to family and real friends.

    I have some strong opinions about social media and could natter on endlessly about it, so had better put the brakes on right now before I get carried away! This might have to be a future topic to address on my own blog.

    • Oh dear, Google Drive? First time I’ve heard this. Not another social media site…Yikes..

      Yes, I have ignored requests as well I find that my attitude has changed somewhat on this issue since I started. How do you feel about adding authors who send you requests and blogging people? Just wondering where they fit in. I also find in small rural places people tend to think they *know* you becasue they see you around and know who you are. It’s tricky, I think.

      • I just have the one personal page, and my ‘friends’ are an assortment of family, writing contacts and published authors, plus people from the professional dog fancy. It’s a mishmash! I’m happy to grant authors’ and bloggers’ friend requests because I like getting their news, but I wonder what they think of my very unprofessional page. If I ever get a novel published I’m going to have to do some streamlining and start a fan page!

  14. fivecats

     /  May 3, 2012

    Blogging is about as social as I get. Really haven’t seen the value of Twitter, FB, or Google+.

    • Oh right, I do have a Twitter account. Twitter reminded me of that a few weeks back. And I’m signed up for Google+ which I have absolutely no idea what it’s about. Too much social media for me. I can’t live my life on the internet…I hope you had a good trip…:)

      • fivecats

         /  May 5, 2012

        Agree, too much social media.

        The trip went well, the business end and the mini-vacation end. It was a much-welcomed getaway time as well, especially for my wife and daughter. :)

  15. Charmaine

     /  May 3, 2012

    I’m glad to have you on Facebook, Laura, because it helps remind me to read your blog. :) I need that reminder, because it’s very entertaining and never fails to brighten my day.
    FB is something my sister discovered and told me about and I would have nothing to do with it for a year, as it would be ‘time wasting’. However, it has reconnected me to close friends I rarely get chance to see anymore, and family who I can now see grow. There are also people there that probably wouldn’t give me the time of day if they saw me in a grocery store, so I am probably just there to pad their list, but I don’t give it much thought.
    It is unfortunate that so many teenagers and adults see this social networking as a popularity contest and become hurt by the addition or subtraction of their name on someone’s list. Some use it as a way to hurt others, I’ve actually had ‘family’ do this and find it disheartening. I have removed some because they just post such offensive things…guess I didn’t know them as well as I thought. Take it with a grain of salt is all I can say.

    • Thanks Charmaine you’re sweet, and I’m happy to have you on my facebook as well. :) I think the internet makes it far too easy for people to be rude or hurtful if they want to be. I’ve had people post some nasty things in their status, but I just ignore it, put it down to them not knowing how to express their feelings properly. If it’s something you wouldn’t say to someone in a room full of people then for goodness sake don’t say it on facebook. It only makes the person who made the nasty comment look bad.

  16. Laura, I couldn’t reply to your questions up there because there was no reply button after your comment.

    The only time I mention writing on my personal page is when I’m doing a book giveaway or have a new publication.

    I certainly have more friends than page followers, but most of my friends and family have little interest in hearing about my writing. I figure if someone follows (Likes) my author page, they expect to hear about writing.

    And I can never remember who sees which status updates on FB, so I’d rather those interested in me only as an author, not see my little conversations with my teen granddaughters or other family members. I do allow writers I know in real life, or that I’ve developed an online relationship with to Friend my personal account … and because many writers don’t have an author page, I’ve friended them with my personal account so I can interact.

    Maybe you don’t know—I didn’t—that you can’t Friend someone as your page. Heck, I just realized I don’t even know if you can Like another page from your page. It’s confusing … or maybe that’s only me. ;-)

  17. I dumped a nephew (teen) not too long ago for language I found offensive. I’m happy with the assortment of friends/family I have on there.

    • Teen nephews can sometimes be a little over zealous as can grown nephews or even nieces fo that matter. Heck anyone on our friend’s. I agree with you Patti, that if anyone is using offence language etc and you don’t like it, they should definitely go. G;ad you’re happy with your list. Quite a few people have mentioned to me that they thinned their list down..


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