It’s that time of year again when I start racking my brain to come up with the perfect Christmas gift. Does that “perfect gift” even exist? Who’s to say? As many of you will remember, about this time of the year, and after much prodding, my son sends along his annual list. Remember the 50 pound bag of Yukon Gold potatoes he claimed to want last year? Along with several other far-out-there gift suggestions that were totally silly and obscure—Two five gallon plastic buckets? Yup, that was on his list..( I think that’s the bachelor’s equivalent to kitchen chairs.) Yeah, that’s my boy.
I think he secretly takes pleasure in these lists he compiles. And it’s never just a list. The introduction is usually longer than the list itself. Take a gander of this year’s meanderings…
“Well, well, well. Once again the time has come for me to pass along my cerebral wisdom and inform you of the things that currently tickle my fancy. You may be surprised to find that this list is neither written in stone nor a list of requirements, but rather a list of suggestions and ideas. Though I have come to a point in my life where I can buy the things I want and need, I realize that you may wish to experience the thrill of giving gifts to your only son and favourite child. So finally, the moment we have all been waiting for, the list of lists! “
Oh yeah, that was just the introduction.Favourite child? Pfff…My kids all claim to hold that title…Honestly, there are only 11 items on his list and nothing terrible pricey. But I’ve got to tell you right now that item 11 sure made up for the other ten. I won’t go through the entire list, but will hit some of the highlights for you…Let’s just say item eleven was quite a shocker for this mum.
But before I get to item eleven, let’s look at Item three—- Uncle Ben’s brown rice…a must for any Christmas stocking. Right? I’m assuming he wants a 50 pound bag if one is available…
Item four—horn snuff (Okay kid, that’s horn sniff, not horn snuff. There’s a big difference.) I know, likely some of you are wondering what a horn snuff/horn sniff is. It’s a long story that I’ll condense and share with you:
Nephew, one morning this fall: Hey, Uncle Brian, I have that hornet’s nest to show you. (Okay this nest was huge and growing near the ground.)
Uncle Brian: Horn sniff? What’s a horn sniff?
This is where my daughter and I lost it. Horn sniff? I mean really. Since my nephew is a hunter, hubby claimed he thought it was some new-fangled gadget designed to bait up deer…Horn sniff—Whatever you say, dear…..
*Just an observation here, but maybe Uncle Brian could use a hearing aid this year for Christmas. Needless to say this infamous “horn sniff” made it into a good many of the “Best” conversations this fall. And just when the joke started fading from our minds. Bam! It ends up as an item on the list. Might have known this son of mine would resurrect it at the eleventh hour, just in time for Christmas. Seriously, the other items were practical. Ah a son who is gentle on his old mum’s pocketbook. I could get used to having him around again if he did dishes or swept an occasional floor, maybe paid a bill or two.
Okay, so are you ready for item 11? I’ll present it to you exactly the way it came to me..
Eleven: some nice blue baby clothes and accessories; you know, the typical stuff.
After I picked myself up off the floor, I fired back a quick email. Okay, the email was sent over dial-up…The “fired back” part of this story didn’t happen quite that quickly, but you get my drift.
“’Eleven: some nice blue baby clothes and accessories; you know, the typical stuff.’ Wtf is that?” (Excuse my Internet lingo people, but this was serious stuff and not of the horn snuff variety… SERIOUS SNUFF… make that STUFF.)
I waited by my computer for a response. Maybe I rocked back and forth while waiting..I can’t remember. Finally a reply came in.
Here’s what I got back.
“Oh, hahaha don’t get excited, that should read some cleaning clothes and accessories.”
Right…I can see how an English Major could make that mistake…. Well anyone with some basic understanding of the English language really…
That’s it, this kid is getting potatoes for Christmas!
Anyway, I hope you had a little chuckle over my son’s twisted sense of funny when it comes to compiling Christmas lists. He can’t help it. He comes by it honestly.
Do you ask the people in your life to give you gift suggestions or do you just instinctively know what to buy.. And most importantly will you be gifting any horn snuffs, I mean horn sniffs this year?